Why love?

I heard her coming before I saw her... Her bare feet smacked on the concrete floor and she was, as she often is, laughing. She flew behind the deli and whether it was me or her daddy that she was looking for I'm not sure but regardless it was me who was there and me who got the hugs! As her little arms wrapped themselves tight around my waist and her giggle burst into my ears I felt that swell in my heart like an ocean wave. In an instant, I knew that I love this child. I hadn't quite realized it so clearly before but in that moment I knew that I do, truly, deeply love this darling beautiful delightful child. How does that happen? How does one go from being a stranger to loving fiercely in so short a time? How can one heart grow so very much in just three months? And how does one know if the love with which one loves is ok? Love is such a vulnerable thing! To love someone is to give them the power to hurt you. As I look at this place, these people, all the enormous amount of things I have come to love since I moved here, my heart catches and a bit of panic slices through me and I want to know HOW this happened! How did I come to care so much for these people that I work with? How did I get to the point that when my dear new roommate is sad, I am sad. How did I come to the place with my friend who I have known for so short a time that when her mouth hurts I want to cry for her? Since when do I love Brother 2 so much that when a customer is rude to him I want to throw her ground beef in her face? And the customers, why, how, do I care about them so much that its super important to me to where bright clothes that cheer them up? How can it be that I have come to care so much about a lady I have never even met simply because she is the sick friend of one of my favorite customers? I want to know the logistics of love. I want to understand the science, know the formula, figure out the reasons WHY I love these people. I want to know why it is that already Strider's youngest nephew has me COMPLETELY wrapped around his tiny little finger!? How do you reconcile the fact that, if you want it to or not, love happens? Real, true, deep love. The kind that wants the best for the object of its emotion regardless of the consequences for yourself. My co-workers, the people at church, the customers of the store, and most of all Strider's family... Since when does love just grow even when I think it wont?? Even when I fight it? I don't have answers to my questions. I wish I did. I know that I love them. I know that if I left here, left them, I would leave more than a piece of my heart, I would shatter my heart. Perhaps that is simply the nature of love. Maybe love is a force all its own, a part of the heart of God that just wells up and swallows the heart of His children? If you have an answer I would love to hear it!

Camo... A tribute to greatness.

When I first laid eyes on him he was no bigger than a minute. A tiny ball of grey and black fur, his eyes sealed shut and his pink nose and tiny tongue oozing that beautiful scent that only puppies give off. Half great dane, half blue healer, all adorableness. He was one of several and he was so special! His mottled coat and sweet personality completely won my heart and of the litter he was the one I fell in love with. It was a love that never wavered or faded and tonight, as I listened to my daddy's voice on my voice mail explaining how he found him dead and how my brother in law helped to burry him, I felt a piece of my heart die too. Camo was so much more than just a dog. My fierce protector, my constant confidant, my loyalest friend. His coat caught a thousand tears! His ears bore the brunt of many teenage heartbreaks. His tongue kissed away the sadness and made me giggle so many times! Once, when he was probably 3 yrs old or so, we were playing ball and he somehow managed to get a tennis ball lodged in his throat. It was sheer panic on my part for a bit but somehow I managed to keep my wits about me long enough to perform the Himeliche (sp?) and get it out of his air way. Ever after that tennis balls were NOT allowed outside! Another time, when I was practicing batting, I accidentally hit him in the head with the bat! I would hit the ball and he would run and retrieve it and somehow he got too close and I got him with the bat. I felt AWFUL and that was the end of that sport because he would no longer come around me when I had a bat! Smart dog :) I have always said that if he were human Camo would be the perfect male. Sweet, handsome, loyal, gentle, kind, considerate (he used to carefully carry his food dish out to the pasture every day for this little stray mutt that would come around. He didn't eat any food for like 3 days or something until I finally realized what he was doing and started putting his food in a concrete dish so he couldn't take it out for her) affectionate, adoring and completely amazing with kids! That was Camo's most valuable trait. He always did absolutely excellent with kids! They could beat him, ride him, pull his ears, kick him, throw stones at him, bite him, or anything else they could come up with and he would simply patiently endure it. A few times, when it had been several hours of non stop roughness, he got up and walked away from them. But for the most part he simply did whatever they wanted him to to make them happy. 

Today, my dad and brother in law buried a dog. They also buried a friend, a protector, and a family member. With him, they buried a bit of all our hearts.