Dear Person...

Dear person who wrecked our cars... There are some things I really want to say to you. I know that most likely you will never read this blog, but I need to say these things to you and on the off chance that you do someday happen upon this, I pray you will take these words to heart.

I forgive you.

I am afraid now, every time I hear a vehicle going fast my heart races and my legs move before I can even think. You see, when you lost control of your vehicle and slammed into mine, I was sleeping only a few feet away. Your lights and the roar of your engine as you came across my yard woke me even before that tremendous and sickening crash. It was one of the most frightening moments of my life.

But I forgive you.

You should know a little about us, the people whose cars you smashed. We'r two girls living here in this little house. One of us is an unemployed nursing student who was counting on that car you smashed to take her through three more years of driving sixty miles a day for school. The other is a lady who lived her life driving older vehicles and saving for a nice car. She finally was able to buy that nice car. She paid it off several months ago and was counting on not having to make car payments for a long long time. Both cars were insured... With liability. Both of us are good drivers, careful, slow, gentle on our cars. Both of us scrimp to make ends meet. So we went with minimum insurance so it was cheaper. Now we have to start all over buying new cars.

But I forgive you.

I'm angry, hurt, and sad over the loss of my car. But my dear dear Person, please please believe me when I say "I forgive you."

Here is why.... Jesus forgave me. He gave so much more for me than just a car. You have to know this, He will take care of us! His arms are around us, His hands below us, His body -the church- will not leave us helpless. And He opens His arms to you too.

I don't know if I will ever get to meet you. I really want to. I want to look into your face and tell you that no matter what is wrong in your life, no matter what made you do what you did, no matter how hard you're try to hide from the police or how successful you are... The arms of Christ are open to you. He offers you free and complete forgiveness, peace, and rest. And I want you to know this, as His daughter I truly want to be your friend.

So wherever you are, and whatever is going through your mind, I want you to know that I forgive you, I extend the love of Christ to you, and I'm praying for you every single day. The God of the universe created you- not to smash cars in the middle of the night- but to be loved by Him and to share His love with others. I truly believe that He allowed you to enter our lives so that somehow you could come to know His love.

So, person who smashed our cars, I write this letter to you, praying that you will read it and know that I truly want you to be 'person who is my friend.'

Something I know nothing about...

I don't know what it is to be a wife. I don't have experience with what is on my heart today but I'm going to say it anyway because today my heart is so heavy with the grief of those dear to me. 

I don't remember drinking much soda as a kid, but I do remember that on the very rare occasion that my daddy bought a can while he was out he always saved the last of it for me. That was because my mama adored him and filled in his empty places and made him into a man that loved his kids. I remember that I was always overjoyed when he came home... Thats because my mama was and I learned by example. I know that thousands of times in my life I've seen how happy my mama was when he came home, how she always met him at the door with a kiss and a hug and how they talked about the day. I remember how they never ever EVER disagreed in front of us kids. My parents always loved each other so deeply. They had their issues, they are after all, complete polar opposites. They did not always know how to love each other well. They don't naturally do what the other one wants or needs. But they never EVER talked negatively about each other. They were never snide or sarcastic or rude. Were they perfect? Not even close. But, thank God, they made the choice to love and to teach us kids to love. 

So I'm not a wife, and I'm not a mom, but for almost two years now (and yes I know thats not so long) I've been studying one man every day desperately seeking to learn to love him. Those verses about women adoring their husbands? I'v read them a million times because I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE LIKE JESUS COMMANDS ME TO! In spite of the fact that I had a fabulous example to follow, I'm a super selfish person and I don't like to give in all the time. Let me just tell you what verses I'm talking about... In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. 
So like I said, I'm not a wife. I am a girlfriend though and I know how hard this command can be. I know that I fight with feeling like I do all the giving and yada yada you know the lines... 

I guess this is the burden of my heart... Yesterday a wonderful lady slipped away to glory. I don't know for sure what kind of marriage she had but I know from watching her daughters (who are so wonderful and so much like Aunties to me) and from observing how she smiled at her husband and how he smiled back, they had something special. I'm not a wife, my mama has told me at least a hundred times that a good marriage is made by an adoring wife. I want to be that. With all my heart and soul I want Strider to see me as his biggest supporter, his best friend, and his most ardent admirer. 

As I said, I'm a dreadfully selfish person. This makes adoring him hard. Harder than it should be considering how incredible he really is. So I confess to you my sisters that I want to love my man. I want my children and grandchildren to have the legacy that I do. I want to leave a hole in the world the way Ms Anna Mae did. The legacy she left her family is just wonderful because she obeyed the words of Christ. Her sweetheart is left alone and I know without any doubt that he is heart broken. That is what I want for Strider. I want him to be able to be absolutely devastated when I die rather than mildly sad and slightly relieved. 

And so for those of you who are wives, I'm asking two things of you: first of all, please please adore your husbands! Please do the little things for him like make him gravy if he loves it (my mom hates gravy but she always made it for my dad because its his favorite) and laugh at his jokes and thank him a million times that he doesn't beat you or do any number of horrible things that so many husbands do. And second, please tell me how I can love my man better. I truly believe that next to salvation he is God's sweetest gift to me and more than anything I want to make his life amazing. So if you have advice, I'd love to hear it! 

And last of all, for those of you who lost a wonderful mama and grandma yesterday, I am so sorry... And thank you for sharing her with me. Watching her life has inspired me to live more like Jesus on many different occasions and I am grateful.