Single Lady Don'ts

This blog is on a subject very close to my heart! I didn't write it, its one I read and am sharing here. Its written by a lady named Trinity. She has a great blog and I would have just posted the links but there were some photos with the blog that I wasn't comfortable with having associated with me so I chose to share it this way. :) I feel that what she has to say here is VERY applicable and not only for 'single' girls. Some of these things, I think, are a struggle for all ladies. Happy reading :) ~Dayna 

Last month I wrote about things that people should never say to a single woman. With Valentines day around the corner, I know that many things will be flippantly said to those of us with the scarlet “S” on our chest. With that in mind there are some things that we as single ladies can do to minimize these awkward “you are still single” conversations and to have a better mindset as a single woman! I am guilty of ALL these things…so don’t feel like I’m preaching…but I am 

If you are one of those girls that celebrate “Singles Awareness Day” or say things like ” I hate Valentine’s day” you should stop immediately. When you say things like this you give off the the impression that YOU are unhappy about your present state of singleness and people feel obliged to give you advice, and if you are lucky they will say one of my 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Woman. 

Don’t complain about singleness.  This is my most repeated offense and I am officially stopping today (again). The Bible advises us against complaining. We are actually encouraged to replace our complaining with PRAYING (Phil 2:14) Yes, you can pray that God would prepare you and your husband to meet in His perfect timing, but I challenge you to pray prayers of thanksgiving. Thank God for this time that you have to fully focus on growing spiritually and mentally. You can chase the career of your dreams without having to consult your husband or consider your children. You can fart in your house without saying excuse me, you can control your household budget, you don’t have to argue about wall color, etc. Singleness is a CRUCIAL season in your personal development. Again, when you complain you open the doors for people to give you unsolicited advice.

Don’t throw pity parties. ..Hangovers from pity parties are usually characterized by a bitter face and negative attitude, what man of God wants to be around that?? Think about it. Plus, all the chocolate and ice cream consumed at these said parties lead to unneccesary weight gain, which brings me to my next point…

If you don’t like something about your physical appearence, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Obviously there are some things that we just need to accept about ourselves…unless you know a plastic surgeon (kidding). Let me just be real with you…I know women who will say “A true man of God will only care about my heart, my appearance should not matter” …WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. Many times women who say this to me have neglected their physical bodies on various levels. I don’t want to be harsh, but this is real ladies. if you are wanting to attract a man, no matter how GODLY He is, your appearance is of some importance.

You do not have to look like Beyonce, but you should look like your best self!! A big boned beauty, a sexy slim or a chubby cutie, just be the best version of yourself!! For me, that means I excercise on a regular basis, monitor my Otis Spunkmeyer cookie intake,  I go to the salon about once a month (my hair is psycho), I clean my nails, I keep my skin moisterized, I shave, I tweeze (ugh), I brush/floss my teeth, I get adequate rest, I wear lip balm and concealer…etc. Yall this is a lesson I have learned the hard way. I want to be my best self physically, not just for a man, but because I am one of God’s people and there is no scripture support for looking a hot mess and letting myself go. Whew..ok, just had to say that. Yall still with me??

Don’t compare yourself to or compete with other women. There will always be women out there that have a husband or boyfriend and you at this time are not one of them. It’s OK. Think about it…do you really want the same guy that your friend has??? Probably not. Be patient. Believe that God has appointed someone for you and God will allow it in his time!

There will always be women that have slimmer bellies, rounder thighs, thicker lips, cuter toes, etc. But so what?!? They don’t have what you have, and what you have was specially given to you by God!! There is also no scriptural support for comparing yourself with others. This is a sure way to feel inadequate and is one of Satan’s favorite tricks. If I compare myself with Beyonce I would probably feel like a failure…and if she compared herself to Oprah, she may feel like one too! Why? Because God created everyone uniquely and the life God has planned for me is not the life God has planned for you, so comparing yourself with others is just a distraction to keep you from the living the life and embracing the gifts that God has given you.

Stop blaming yourself for every failed relationship. Honestly, you don’t have that much power, sorry to bust your bubble.  There are various reasons that things don’t work out and people will be quick to tell you all the reasons they THINK the relationship did not work. Sometimes it’s NOT YOUR FAULT. Sometimes it’s NOT THEIR FAULT. Sometimes God just didn’t allow it and you may never know why. Stop beating yourself up over failed relationships…pick yourself up and wipe the dust off your knees…plus, dirty knees are not cute.

Finally, don’t stop growing. When you create your list of things you want in man, you have to ask yourself if YOU even have those qualities. Guys are admittedly more simple than we are when it comes to relationships, but you better believe that they have a list too. It may not be written down, it may not be as long and developed as yours, but it does exist. I’m positive that your future husband’s list doesn’t say “A girl who is desperately trying to find me, has no other admirable traits and is looking for me to fill the God-shaped hole in her heart”. Develop yourself spiritually, mentally and personally… Don’t you want your husband to meet the best version of you??? I do.