What THEY do...

I'm supposed to be writing a critical argument paper for Philosophy class. I'm supposed to be doing Chemistry homework. I'm supposed to be studying for a mid term exam I have in Theology tomorrow. But my mind is so busy right now, so full of thoughts. I think perhaps sharing a few of them with you will help clear my cobwebs so I can focus a bit. :)

I just finished an email from a dear friend who is serving in a foreign country right now. She was talking about a malnutrition clinic she visited and helped at and about the teenagers who she is concerned about and asking prayers for their salvation.  All morning I'v been texting my sweet sister who, along with her husband, just took in two new children who desperately needed a safe home. Last night she spent the night in the hospital with the oldest one. I could hear her exhaustion in her words but also the overwhelming love that is in her heart for him. Tonight I am going to have supper with my 'adopted family' who have both of their parents living with them along with the responsibility of being church leaders. They are so very giving. They have been my lifeline in so many ways, even though their plates are already so full! A few days ago my sweet friend was telling me with glowing pride in her voice about the accomplishments of HER friend. Her friend is one of many that she has one on one Bible studies with each week.

These people are making a difference. Their lives MATTER. I can see Jesus in them. It is His love and His grace that keeps them going every single day. His Spirit flows from them and blesses those He places in their lives. And me? Well... Here is the thing that is going round and round in my little head. I cant live their lives. I can't serve in another country. I can't provide shelter for broken and wounded babies. I can't be a family for people who need a family. I can't go into prisons and recovery homes and the lives of hurting people and bring them the Word of God. Not because I'm incapable, but because its not where God has called me. And the thing is, if I look at their lives, see how 'great' they are, and want so much to be doing the amazing things they are, I will miss my life. I will rob myself, God, and the world around me of the gifts He has given ME.

About 3 or 4 years ago I was facing one of the biggest decisions of my life. I had 3 huge and amazing options in front of me and I had no idea which way to turn. I was in the car with my oldest brother and we were hashing out all my options and he said something that totally changed my life and my way of thinking. He said "Dayna, you CAN know God's will for your life. He lays it out directly in Scripture. His will for each of us is to have a close relationship with Him. If you have that close relationship and you make a decision that is not best for you, He will guide your heart through your relationship, into the path that is best for you." I have found this to be very true in the years since then. I have also found it to be true that maintaining that strong relationship with Him is one of the biggest challenges of my life!

So, here is what I want to commit to. I want to stop looking around at the people who look so good. I want to stop comparing my life to people I consider to be 'spiritual giants'. I want to stop wishing that God had given me another path, a more 'normal' path, a path that glows brighter or gets more attention, or isn't so nitty gritty. Instead I really really want to look full into the face of my Savior and SEEK Him. For me, that means treasuring the time I spend with my little old people and loving them tenderly. It means doing my very best on every test, quiz, and paper that I'm assigned. It means being open with every person I meet on campus and answering all the many many questions I get about my religion with freedom and love. It means having a relationship with Christ that I can SHARE with anyone and everyone who brushes my life.

Now, with that off my mind perhaps I can focus on Martin Luther Kings "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" like I'm supposed to! :)