Is this love?

I remember the very first time I saw her as if it was just last month. She looked so so tiny in her daddy's big arms! She was so so tiny. At just over 5 lbs she was hardly as big as a minute! Her poor parents were utterly exhausted after hrs and hrs of laboring over her so when the nurses took her to test her senses both sets of their parents went to take care of them. It was just me then. Her and me and all the nurses I barely saw. The glass between us didn't even matter all that much as I stood pressed against it and looked into her beautiful blue eyes. They had to do her hearing test twice because the first time she didn't respond the way they wanted. I nearly fainted from holding my breath as they ran the second test. Now, six short yrs later, its again just her and I. She dances in front of me, utterly delighted to have beat me (again) at Uno. Her little brother is sleeping as are the two sweet littles that are living with them for a while. I gather her in my arms and we rock and talk and giggle and my heart is completely swamped with an emotion so deep I think I will drowned in it! Is this love? 

I distinctly remember the day that we named him. I was determined his name should be Frisky and my sister flat out told me that was a stupid name for a dog. So instead we settled on Camouflage Lynell. Why the Lynelle I have absolutely no idea but the Camouflage part was because his coat was a mottled grey and black. He had such lovely blue eyes and his coat was the softest puppy coat I'd ever felt. He was half great dane and half blue healer so it didn't take long until he was eating us out of house and home! Now, 14 yrs later he's been gone about six months and I really miss him. That dog absorbed more tears into his coat than my pillows ever got. He was so huge that if he ever could get me down on the ground he would just lay on top of me and I simply couldn't move until he did. I was never nervous to be home alone as long as Camo was around. Since he died my dad has gotten a very nice chocolate lab. He's a good dog, he barks when people come, he's very friendly to friends and adores dad. I like Hershey, but he's not Camo. I was crazy about Camo! Was that love? 

I have a very clear memory of falling in love. I was just a kid, eighteen I think. I was utterly swept off my feet let me tell you! I hadn't known the guy super long but I was fairly convinced that he had to be the very best thing since... Well probably since the last guy I thought I was in love with. He was handsome and funny and sweet and really what could be better? There was much drama and heartache, many tears and a long path to the friendship we have now. In the moment though, and alot of moments after that moment, I was utterly convinced I was in love. It was heady and sweet and crazy and emotional. So was that love? 

I'v been thinking an awful lot about love the last while. I would like to get my mind around it. I would like to understand it, to know why it works and what it is. I would like a neat tidy definition of what love REALLY is because love as an emotion just doesn't seem to cut it. So I'v thought and thought and thought (as I tell Strider all the time) about it and this is what I think. 

I wanted to know first of all what love looks like. I started looking for pictures of love and this is what I saw. I saw my sweet sister holding a child she has only known a few days. I saw her wipe tears and gently but firmly give the direction needed to provide security for this child. I saw my mama cooking eggs for me before I left for work even though she was so so tired from a late night. I saw my dear friend who makes a meal for me every week and spends time with me even though its her day off and she could be sleeping in. I saw another friend who loves to volunteer at our local homeless shelter and another who faithfully does Bible studies with hurting women and another who makes the tough choice to never ever gossip about ANYONE no matter who is talking about whom. I saw a mom who is also a wife making decisions for her family centered around the good of her husband regardless how she may feel. I saw a daddy fight physical limitations and in spite of them strive to be all that he can be for his family. I saw tears in another's eyes because of my pain. I saw time taken off work to drive me to school because my friend put my needs above their own. I saw my Jesus with His arms open for me, dying so that I can live. I saw these things, these outworkings from a heart of goodness and I thought "This is what love is." So I thought and thought and thought about this. I thought about it as I rocked my sweet niece. I thought about it as I listened to my daddy pray for me. I thought about it as I petted Hershey and watched his bond with my daddy in action. I thought about it as I considered the real and deep and good relationship that I enjoy now. I thought about it as I searched my soul, seeking the will of God for ME in regards to the world we live in. 

I thought of all these things, and this is what my little brain produced. I think, I believe actually, that real true honest love is sacrifice. Its a giving up, a giving in, a giving over for the good of another. I believe that this is the true meaning behind that old quote (which I have a sort of love hate relationship with) "Love is a choice." Love, as an emotion, is not always there. But love, as in the CHOICE to SACRIFICE for another person, can, through the grace of God, always be there. So, at the end of my thinking thinking thinking, this is what I came up with. I do love others, but not as much as I need to. I know this because I fail so very many times in making the sacrifices I need to make to care for the needs of others. Love = Sacrifice. Its a small definition but it certainly does not feel neat and tidy to me. But then again, is anything in a real honest life really neat and tidy? :) 

Dear Parents...

There are few things that can move me to tears (good tears) so quickly as hearing my daddy pray for me, and my siblings, and all the people he loves like his own children. His voice gets a bit husky as he thanks God for leading me to school and nearly cracks as he thanks God for Strider and asks for the Lord's leading for us. He prays for peace in Europe, especially Poland, because one we love so deeply is there. He asks God for salvation and wisdom for all the grandchildren, wisdom for their parents, and especially strength for their dad's. Then he goes on to pray for the people that are important to us... Those that we children, and even our friends, are seeking to love as Jesus loves them. I love these times. It happens every morning now. It happens after he's opened his Bible and read. It happens after he's had his own personal devotions. Every morning he's up first, sitting at the table with his Bible and coffee long before anyone else stirs. I love this. I love that my daddy is a man of God who seeks to lead all of those coming behind him with wisdom and grace.

I can not count how many times I'v called my mom crying and had her pray with me. Its always her initiative, not mine. Invariably there is a measure of peace that comes with the prayer. Sometimes I don't really like how she prays because she never prays for the easy way out for me. She prays for grace for me to handle what God is taking me through, or she prays for wisdom for me, or she asks God to work out His plan in the situation. But no matter how she prays, it always touches something deep inside me like nothing else can.

Please, let your children hear you pray for them. It does not matter our age, our relationship status, whether we have our own children or not, whether we are with you or far away... I truly believe that for the child of God there is simply nothing so comforting as hearing your parents pray for you. Noone in the world loves us more, generally, than our parents. We are on few other people's minds like we are our parents. Few people REALLY want to see us succeed like our parents do. For so many people, audible prayer is awkward and frightening. It takes practice. It doesn't feel natural at first. But how will children know how very very valuable it is unless its modeled? Pray for your children. It is how they learn to pray for others, and praying for others is one of the chief ways we can show that we really care about them.

My parents prayers for my siblings and I flows from their own personal relationships with Jesus. Their time with Him is important to each of them and it shows clearly when they pray for us. I love that they model this for us. If they did not have that living vital relationship, I don't know if they could have given us this gift.

This is one of the greatest gifts that my parents have given me. It is a tool that will never grow old or rusty or run out. As an adult child who is still benefitting daily from this blessing I ask, please pray for your children. Please let them hear those prayers. It will give them a grounding like nothing else can.