Is this love?

I remember the very first time I saw her as if it was just last month. She looked so so tiny in her daddy's big arms! She was so so tiny. At just over 5 lbs she was hardly as big as a minute! Her poor parents were utterly exhausted after hrs and hrs of laboring over her so when the nurses took her to test her senses both sets of their parents went to take care of them. It was just me then. Her and me and all the nurses I barely saw. The glass between us didn't even matter all that much as I stood pressed against it and looked into her beautiful blue eyes. They had to do her hearing test twice because the first time she didn't respond the way they wanted. I nearly fainted from holding my breath as they ran the second test. Now, six short yrs later, its again just her and I. She dances in front of me, utterly delighted to have beat me (again) at Uno. Her little brother is sleeping as are the two sweet littles that are living with them for a while. I gather her in my arms and we rock and talk and giggle and my heart is completely swamped with an emotion so deep I think I will drowned in it! Is this love? 

I distinctly remember the day that we named him. I was determined his name should be Frisky and my sister flat out told me that was a stupid name for a dog. So instead we settled on Camouflage Lynell. Why the Lynelle I have absolutely no idea but the Camouflage part was because his coat was a mottled grey and black. He had such lovely blue eyes and his coat was the softest puppy coat I'd ever felt. He was half great dane and half blue healer so it didn't take long until he was eating us out of house and home! Now, 14 yrs later he's been gone about six months and I really miss him. That dog absorbed more tears into his coat than my pillows ever got. He was so huge that if he ever could get me down on the ground he would just lay on top of me and I simply couldn't move until he did. I was never nervous to be home alone as long as Camo was around. Since he died my dad has gotten a very nice chocolate lab. He's a good dog, he barks when people come, he's very friendly to friends and adores dad. I like Hershey, but he's not Camo. I was crazy about Camo! Was that love? 

I have a very clear memory of falling in love. I was just a kid, eighteen I think. I was utterly swept off my feet let me tell you! I hadn't known the guy super long but I was fairly convinced that he had to be the very best thing since... Well probably since the last guy I thought I was in love with. He was handsome and funny and sweet and really what could be better? There was much drama and heartache, many tears and a long path to the friendship we have now. In the moment though, and alot of moments after that moment, I was utterly convinced I was in love. It was heady and sweet and crazy and emotional. So was that love? 

I'v been thinking an awful lot about love the last while. I would like to get my mind around it. I would like to understand it, to know why it works and what it is. I would like a neat tidy definition of what love REALLY is because love as an emotion just doesn't seem to cut it. So I'v thought and thought and thought (as I tell Strider all the time) about it and this is what I think. 

I wanted to know first of all what love looks like. I started looking for pictures of love and this is what I saw. I saw my sweet sister holding a child she has only known a few days. I saw her wipe tears and gently but firmly give the direction needed to provide security for this child. I saw my mama cooking eggs for me before I left for work even though she was so so tired from a late night. I saw my dear friend who makes a meal for me every week and spends time with me even though its her day off and she could be sleeping in. I saw another friend who loves to volunteer at our local homeless shelter and another who faithfully does Bible studies with hurting women and another who makes the tough choice to never ever gossip about ANYONE no matter who is talking about whom. I saw a mom who is also a wife making decisions for her family centered around the good of her husband regardless how she may feel. I saw a daddy fight physical limitations and in spite of them strive to be all that he can be for his family. I saw tears in another's eyes because of my pain. I saw time taken off work to drive me to school because my friend put my needs above their own. I saw my Jesus with His arms open for me, dying so that I can live. I saw these things, these outworkings from a heart of goodness and I thought "This is what love is." So I thought and thought and thought about this. I thought about it as I rocked my sweet niece. I thought about it as I listened to my daddy pray for me. I thought about it as I petted Hershey and watched his bond with my daddy in action. I thought about it as I considered the real and deep and good relationship that I enjoy now. I thought about it as I searched my soul, seeking the will of God for ME in regards to the world we live in. 

I thought of all these things, and this is what my little brain produced. I think, I believe actually, that real true honest love is sacrifice. Its a giving up, a giving in, a giving over for the good of another. I believe that this is the true meaning behind that old quote (which I have a sort of love hate relationship with) "Love is a choice." Love, as an emotion, is not always there. But love, as in the CHOICE to SACRIFICE for another person, can, through the grace of God, always be there. So, at the end of my thinking thinking thinking, this is what I came up with. I do love others, but not as much as I need to. I know this because I fail so very many times in making the sacrifices I need to make to care for the needs of others. Love = Sacrifice. Its a small definition but it certainly does not feel neat and tidy to me. But then again, is anything in a real honest life really neat and tidy? :)