Beside me on my computer table sits a goblet of sparkling grape juice. The Piano Guys are playing. My tummy is full of pasta made with fresh garlic, course ground black pepper, and 3 kinds of amazing aged cheese that Strider brought with him for me. Crazy what guys will do :) The house is still echoing from a weekend of being packed with people. So much happened here this weekend. We laughed and sang and played and cooked and loved. We lived. We built confidence and clarity and courage in each other. Praying happened here. There was a lot of quiet alone time spent with God in the peace of this house. The sun shone on us and it was good. Tears were shed, hearts opened, lives touched forever by togetherness. Rook games were played, won, lost. I experienced Jesus this weekend in sweet ways through the caring of my friends. This weekend was, for Jewel and I, a grand finalee. This weekend was the last time that we will pack our little house with people and bulge the walls with the music of hearts dancing together in joy and gratitude for this gift of life. We have three weeks left in this sweet little house. This house that has held us as we cried, been a haven from the world, listened to our secrets, let us lean our backs against its walls and wail when we needed to. This house that has sheltered our loved ones, accepted our guests, nourished our souls. This house that has been home. We grew here. We loved God, each other, our selves, our families, and even some people we really didn't like. Here we have spent hours praying together. We have cried tears of joy as we watched God work miracles we asked for. We have laughed here. Laughed so very much! We have read together, fought, cooked, grown. As I sit here, on this dearly beloved couch that I paid $30 for at a thrift store, I think of the 200 or so times in the last two years that I have collapsed completely exhausted into its comforting embrace for a nap. I don't want to leave it. I think of last evening, sitting here with Strider, and I smile. Maybe I do want to leave it. Maybe to move forward we must always be willing to walk away from something. I don't like to think of life with Jewel on the other side of the globe. But I don't like to think of life with Strider 1,000 miles away either. I don't like to think of leaving this beautiful little house that holds my heart. I don't want to leave my family, my sweet mama or my darling daddy, my sisters, or their babies... But to refuse to follow where God's hand is leading me... That I cannot do. I think of my church, my youth, the people I love, the place that makes up my world. I think of leaving the community that houses the 400 acres on which I grew up and my heart twists. But then I think of standing in that big open pasture with Strider and talking about fishing this summer, and I know that I could not deny myself the privilege of following God into this new adventure no matter how much I wanted to. Goodbyes are hard. Leaving a dream is hard. Leaving home... Sometimes it feels impossible. But God... The Wild Wind of His Spirit swirls around me pulling, tugging, persuading... People say "Ah! Your boyfriend is from Wisconsin, so THATS why your going there!" and I smile in my heart because I know that they are wrong. No matter how much I like him, I could not leave the safety of my world, even for the summer, for him. But the hand of God... I will follow. He is teaching me, slowly, that He is faithful and trustworthy in every moment of every day! Even when the day includes leaving the place I love and am safe. He is my safety, my security. Sometimes to prove that He lifts us out of the safety we make for ourselves and places us safely right into the middle of the storm. As I sit and look at the slightly shambled house around me my heart swells. This chapter of Jewel and I's lives has been so amazing! We prayed so hard for this house. We wanted the chance to share a house and get out on our own so badly. God gave us this opportunity and we made a great go of it! The home we have here will be forever in both our hearts. But God is writing each of our stories, and I am so very very excited to know what He has planned for the next chapter! Wisconsin and Poland are both a far far cry from Mississippi, but God has proven to us each that His plans are so very much better than ours! He is good. Life is good. And we still have a house to pack :)
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