From start to Month One, Strider and I...

Seven months ago, I met this guy. I did not, did NOT want to meet him! Well ok, secretly I sorta did, but I fought it tooth and nail. I informed my cousin Vin more than once "I am NOT coming to Wisconsin to see you! I do not want to meet him!" The 'him' being Vin's best friend whom he had sort of been hinting around at me about for years. I really didn't want to meet him. You see, I'd gotten pretty great at avoiding the male gender in any threatening way. My number 1 strategy for keeping my life uncomplicated was simple. Don't meet new guys. Especially not older available rather good looking already passed my brother/cousin's specs guys. So the logical conclusion was simple. Don't go to Wisconsin. But i wanted to go. I wanted to meet this great place that Vin called home. I wanted a weekend away, time with him and his sisters. I wanted to go fishing with him. And I sorta kinda almost wanted to meet his amazing guy who I knew I needed to face meeting sooner or later. So, at long last, after much protest, I went. 

It was not 'like' at first sight. Not quite. But I was completely entirely and unreservedly at ease around him. Totally new experience for me. To this day I think that possibly part of why he likes me is because I can out shoot him at laser tag. (I'm fairly certain that that comment could get me another game. The man does not like to be beaten. Apparently neither do I!) The thing that stands out the most to me about the night that Vin, Strider, and I spent together just the three of us hanging out and being completely crazy is that I learned that he is not easily ruffled. This, dear friends, is a fact that impressed me GREATLY! I think I'l pass on explaining what happened to prove this fact to me, but it was an issue that most guys would not have handled so calmly. 

On Monday morning, before I left for home, Vin, his sister, Strider, and I, went out for coffee. Vin and I were late and when we walked in Strider and Vin's sister were already at the table drinking coffee. He looked at me and asked "How do you like the lights in here?" and I knew I was in trouble. The people close to me know that I LOVE lights. I notice lights wherever I go. Chandeliers are my favorite! I could look at them for hours. I'm also a complete sucker for a guy who notices. 

So, for three months I waffled back and forth between liking him and despising that he had gotten under my shell. Then, on December 28, Vin and Strider flew in to spend the weekend with me before we picked my BFF up on the 31st and hit the road for Texas. The four of us spent a glorious wonderful relaxed and uncomplicated week together! And maybe I got a little (or a lot but I'm not admitting that) bit more smitten. But regardless what I was feeling, I knew where he stood. He did an absolutely wonderful job of keeping things uncomplicated and strictly friendly (bless his dear wise soul!) I came home and cried for two weeks solid. Not entirely, mind you, over him. But God used that trip, and more him than anything, to show me how cold and controlled I'd become. So for the next three months I cried and prayed and grew in God and let Him heal places in me that before meeting Strider, before having my shell cracked, I wouldn't let God close to. Ya, I prayed about him. Ya, I cried about him. Ya, I tried a million ways to make him fit a box I was comfortable with. Nothing worked. He just WAS and he was my friend and he was just IN my life. Period. Eventually, I stopped fighting this fact. Eventually, I gave up. Eventually, God got ahold of all my twisted up dreams and I let Him have them. Then, something happened that I didn't dare dream for even.

A month ago today, this girl who never jumps into ANYTHING, agreed to leap headlong into this crazy relationship with this amazing man. Well, ok, let me be perfectly honest here. I knew when I agreed to this ride that I was not, absolutely NOT going to leap headlong. Maybe get my feet wet. Possibly even wade knee deep. But leaping was out of the question. See, I need plans. I have a plan for everything. I need to know where things fit and have a time schedule for everything. Not so this Strider who walked into my world and shook it so thoroughly. The more spontaneous something is, the happier he is. Oh boy! :) Thankfully He is also incredibly sweet and remembers my need for plans! Hopefully I am learning to be a bit more flexible too! 

 Strider has shaken my neat, tidy existence all to bits, without even meaning to. He surprises me all the time! I know you will all laugh, but I was entirely shocked and delighted when he brought me flowers for our first date. We met in South Carolina, and the idea of him stopping at a florists to buy flowers for ME, and then traveling with them, was... Well I don't even know what. Amazing for one thing.

 You see, by the time we started dating I already knew that there wasn't another guy out there that I would rather hang out with, let alone be close to. I was not entirely sure that I was willing to be close to this one, but NOT taking the risk seemed much much worse than taking it. I'd come too far, trusted too much, let him see too much of who I was to back out at that point. So, surprise that it was to me that he actually liked me, I was cool with it. Most days :) 

The thing that no one really understands about dating before they start is that its hard. Good, but hard. I am so very very grateful for the solid basis of trust and friendship that I have with this man! Without that I would have baled rapidly. Or, in the words of my sister who knows me so well "You would have never agreed to it in the first place!" She is probably right! 

Here is the thing though. We are friends. He makes me laugh like no one I have ever known! He is calm and rock solid steady. I wouldn't even dream of pushing this guy who seems so easy going. I love that security. He's goofy and gentle and takes my family, crazy and wonderful and loud and goofy as they are, totally in stride. He even likes me when I'm sick. I have yet to figure out what in the world he sees in me! I think I mostly complicate and dramatize his life, but he assures me that he's fine with that. Somedays, I still hold my breath about it all. On those days I can count on him to remind me to simply breathe. He's great with that simply breathing stuff! Me? Not so much. I hope I'm learning! But its still pretty new and I'm still fairly certain that he is doing most of the giving and that I don't have a lot to offer right now. When the chips are down, and I'm totally freaking out about algebra or moving or some other thing thats happening in my constantly uproarious life, I can absolutely bank on him having good advice, and not giving me any kind of fluff to make me feel better in the moment. I can also count on him making me giggle. Endlessly. Even when I'm totally stressing out. All in all, this month of walking deeper into God's plan for us has been pretty crazy. Ups and downs, sometimes a day apart, sometimes thirty minutes apart. But its leveling out. I'm much more excited about this thing now than I was a month ago. I knew he was a good man then, but I'm learning all the time just how amazing he really is! For a girl who didn't think she wanted a boyfriend, well, lets just say she does now!! :)