I hate being sick. I really really hate being sick. Ok thats not entirely true. What is entirely true is that I hate to feel helpless. Being sick is not so bad for awhile. When you think you will be just fine the next day and you will go to work and everything will all be cool. Sometimes its even a little fun to be sick. Its nice to know people care. Its nice to have an amazing friend who does everything for you just because she's amazing that way. Its nice to have a mom who really knows exactly what to tell your friend to do for you to make you feel better. Its particularly nice to have a boyfriend who is worried about you, even if he cant really do anything to make it better. But when you have to miss work, and you have to miss school, and you know that you have bills coming and a test coming... Then being sick is not fun anymore. Thats when all of a sudden your hit smack between the eyes with the fact that there is only ONE who takes care of you. Friends, moms, boyfriends... They are awesome! Totally amazing. But bottom line, its only God that holds us each in His hands. I think sometimes that He likes to stop us dead in our tracks so that the only Thing we can see is Him before us...
Today He is showing up all over my world. There is a gorgeous bouquet of roses sitting on my table. They were bought for me by one of God's kids, and they show His face to my heart every time I see them. There is a tiny pot on my window sill that has a tiny tiny sprout of basil growing in it. A miracle of life that ONLY God can give! Every time I look at it I am awed by the wonder of His design. Right now as I write this I am sipping a cup of hot mint tea that was prescribed to me by Dr. Big Brother and its doing exactly what he said it would, calming my stomach and making my life better. God's hand comforting me. God is in the wind that whips the trees outside (its killing me that I cant be out in that brewing storm). God is in the heart of my dear friend who took my car in to the shop today and lent me hers. God is in the gentle words of a sweet boss who gave me yet another day off work. God. All around me. So close as the whisper of wind on my face, so huge as the power of the storm, so gentle as the touch of my mom, so strong as the arms of my dad when I am afraid. So far beyond all that I can think or imagine! He defies reason, which of course is where I always get hung up at because for those of you who know me well, you know that reason is my safety net. If I cant make reason out of something its awfully hard for me to believe it to be true. But God is bigger than my reasoning. Sometimes His plan includes 3 (or more, although I pray, PRAY not) of what feels like deathly sickness. God is even big enough to move my heart to be willing to be sick if that is what it takes to know more of Him.
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