What My Vacation Taught Me

A week ago today I woke up in a tiny condo on the beach, somewhere in Galveston TX. Before my eyes even opened there were tears in them. Somehow that morning the weight of my world at home came crashing down on me with a vengeance! Vacation was almost over and all the responsibility that I had slipped out from under for 6 sweet days landed smack on my head like a ton of bricks. Pushing back tears I went and made coffee and, since I was only the second one up, took the opportunity to go sit on the balcony with my Bible. The familiar weight of it in my hands, the music of the ocean, and the caffeine of the coffee in my cup lifted my spirits somewhat. All that day though the cloud hung over me. I spent time by the ocean, letting its waves splash over my head, laughing at its dancing droplets on the rocks, and begging its Maker to show me His way through. Finally, after a whole day of being blue,  I cried all over my very dear and patient brother. Tears are always a good thing when one is very stressed and that time was no exception. Those tears planted a seed in my head.

That seed grew. Driving home from dropping everyone off in Birmingham it grew. Crawling out of bed early the next morning to face my first day back at school, it grew. Walking and talking with God that evening it grew.  It grew until it became very clear to me what exactly it was He had planted in my heart through my vacation.

You see, I spent a whole week not worrying about anything. For a whole week I just went along with what was planned. We had so much fun!! Great restaurants, long talks, great laughs, amazing experiences that I'd wanted to do for yrs. It was simply amazing!! For a whole wk I didn't worry about a thing and because the decisions were not in my hands, it was entirely perfect! I would not have changed any of it, and it was SO much better than if I had been in charge.

I realized, upon coming home, that THAT is what God wants my life to be like ALL the time. He has exactly the perfect things planned. He knows EXACTLY what I need and when. His ways are not only better than mine, but they are perfect! He absolutely WILL take care of me. His grace and mercy are new every single morning and His power is always sufficient. What all of that means is that I don't have to be strong. I don't have to be able to handle everything. I don't have to cover every base and fill every roll. Novel idea for one so used to keeping her life well structured.

So I'm learning. Learning to live without the walls that have always kept me strong. Learning to say "I can't handle that." Learning even to quite a job I should have let go of MoNtHs ago and just couldn't. It is absolutely incredible to find that when I let something go, He has it covered. Always. Living utterly vulnerable to Him and His mercies is scary. It means letting go, not only of the weight of responsibility and pressure, but also of the things that I'v held dear as reasons to keep up walls. Scary? Yes. Until I look into the eyes of the One who's love truly is beyond measure.