A Lesson From Keisha

I like my dog. Really I do. Sometimes she drives me crazy. Sometimes I think she is adorable! I would rather be with her than be alone but still sometimes I think about the days before her when the house stayed clean and... Ok scrap that. A dirty house is worth it. But back to what I was saying. I like her. Truly I do. But I don't really love her, not yet. Which I think is why God has used her to teach me some valuable lessons lately. Yesterday's is the strongest and most vivid example so far. We were out walking and she had stopped in the weeds along the road to sniff and snurf and do whatever it is that dogs do beside the road when they are on long walks with their people. Now you must understand that walks are my unwind tool. I walk and talk and cry and process and generally pour out my whole heart to God, be that good, bad, or otherwise at that particular moment. So yesterday was no exception and at the moment of this incident I was asking Him loudly if He even cares or hears me or knows when I am sad. I got tired of waiting on Keisha so after a few moments I tugged her back onto the road and started walking again. But something was not right. She frantically bit and clawed at her right foot. She was so preoccupied with whatever it was that was paining her that she could not walk on until it was taken care of. Now you must understand that I am not a super good dog owner. I get mad at my dog. She makes me crazy sometimes! When I come home to find the trash can dumped or some food item drug out of the pantry or something dumped over on the table or the butter dish licked clean, I have a hard time not loosing my cool. But in that moment, frail imperfect human that I am, my dog's discomfort mattered to me. So I got down on my knees in the middle of the road and examined her foot until I found the offending ant that was biting her and picked it out of her fur and smashed it. As I stood up to walk on God's Spirit breathed in my heart "And you think that I care less for you than you do for your dog?" My soul was smitten! Of course not! Of course God cares more, hears more, sees more, loves me more. No, it does not always feel that way. But you know in the dead of night it really doesn't feel like the sun is shining either. Does that change the fact that it is warming the earth and keeping it in steady orbit? No. It just means that for a time it is hidden from our view. As I walked and thought about it I realized that that one small ant bite was really a tiny thing in the scheme of Keisha's whole life. I knew that. I could see that. But you know in that moment, in her hurting and intense discomfort, she did not know that in only a few seconds I could fix it and she would be fine. It was all-consuming to her. She could not see beyond it. How many many times am I like that? I look back at my life, at the dark dark times. God was there. The heartaches, heartbreaks, broken relationships, stolen dreams, diseases... The list goes on. God was there. Now, on this side of them, I know it all turned out ok and God was there and loved me and carried me when I could not walk. I know this. But still I forget. I forget and I wail at Him and shout at Him and sometimes He lets that ant keep biting me for what feels like an eternity because that is when I cry to Him, lean on Him, grow in Him the most. He is a gentle, patient, loving God. He cares for me and carries me and speaks to me through things as humble and amazing as my dog... I want to say that I won't forget again, won't doubt His love and goodness and caring. But you know as well as I do that that is not the case. I am oh so very human and I will have times in my life (well ok lets be honest here, its already happened since yesterday) that it just feels impossible that God is actually listening when I talk to Him or cares if indeed He does hear. I am so grateful for His faithful, gentle presence and love! He is so sweet and kind about dealing with the 'ants' in my life.