Of Love Notes in the Rain...

Do you ever just get weary? I do. I get so tired. Tired of walking, one day after the other, week after week, month after month. Of course I don't feel that way all of the time! Actually I generally bounce around 'like a butterfly from one pretty flower to another' as one of my cousins once said. He was not quite on track but close. I'm easily distracted and delighted so most times I end up pretty happy. But sometimes, sometimes life wears me down and I wonder if God really cares, really sees, really hears my prayers. I wonder if He listens to my pleas or sees my tears or understands the soul deep aches that work their way into my quiet moments. 

Yesterday was a weary weary day. One of those days when I didn't even have tears. Tears make everything at least some better ya know? They get the worst washed out. Yesterday there weren't tears. For most of the day I sat curled on the couch with my computer open in front of me hammering slowly away at homework. In my heart I grumbled at God. Not consciously. I didn't even actually ASK Him to remind me that He loves me. But He, as He does so sweetly sometimes, heard my heart without me making words. Jewel, who was folding laundry on the other couch, happened to glance out the window and said with surprise in her voice "Hey its raining!" It took a few seconds for me to come out of the zone and focus. I looked out the window and lo and behold it WAS!!! Now you must understand that rain is one of my FAVORITE things!!! I am almost incapable of staying inside when it is raining. God's love flashed warm and bright in my soul and I felt His smile! I leapt off the couch and ran down the hall and out my back door. The rain was not fast or hard but soft. Perfect for dancing. I laughed and spun circles, my feet slipping and sliding in the wet grass and mud. The rain didn't last long, but it was enough. God's love note. His reminder that He cares! 

This morning on the way to church the memory of the rain was still dancing through my mind and I found myself bubbling with excitement about hearing what God had to say. My dad is the chorister right now so the singing is extra special for me. I love that man! The first song that he had chosen for this morning bore these lyrics.

1. 
   
2. He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
   O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
   Whate’er I do, where’er I be
   Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.
   • Refrain:
     He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
     By His own hand He leadeth me;
     His faithful foll’wer I would be,
     For by His hand He leadeth me.
3. Sometimes ’mid scenes of deepest gloom,
   Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
   By waters still, o’er troubled sea,
   Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.
4. Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
   Nor ever murmur nor repine;
   Content, whatever lot I see,
   Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.
5. And when my task on earth is done,
   When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
   E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
   Since God through Jordan leadeth me.

Most of my problem yesterday was simple lack of trust. Most of my problem most days is simple lack of trust! I forget that truly, HE leadeth me. His love holds me, His care covers me. His grace is ALWAYS there for me! He blesses me in ways that are so far beyond my comprehension!! But you know what? Sometimes I can't feel Him. Sometimes I don't see Him. Sometimes I feel angry, rejected, unloved, forgotten, mistreated, denied, overworked, and completely misunderstood. Sigh! He is so entirely patient with me!! I do not, not at all, deserve His care or His gentle touch. And yet He gives it to me!!! One of the verses from another song that dad lead this morning says "God holds my hand, to walk with Him is sweet. I find in Him, a life that is complete! And when His will, I do not understand, I will but pray "Do not let go my hand!" That is probably my favorite song. I CAN trust my Father's leading! He is Healer, Savior, Redeemer, Wind, Light, Goodness, Peace, and Mercy to me. The times that I am tired? The times I do not trust Him? Those are the times that I slip out of relationship with Him. The times I let my gaze slide off of Him. Its then that I forget the rain, forget the way He sends the breeze to touch my face, forget the times He has led me safely through darkness so deep it shook my soul. If you are tired, ask Him to show you His love. Ask for a love note from Him. And then watch for it. It will be there. He will send it. If we miss His notes, its because we are not in tune with Him and watching for them. I want to do better. I want to learn to see His notes every day, always. Its something we grow in though. He gets that. After all He made us :)