Some Ramblings...

You are in, blue skies, the soft wrinkled cheek of my sweet grandma, the silky fur of my drive-me-crazy dog, the ground beneath my feet as I amble through the woods or walk my favorite gravel road, the breeze on my face, the wild wind of a tropical storm, the rough edges of a sea shell in my hand, the arms of a child wrapped around my neck, the voice of my mama reminding me its all going to be ok.

You oh God are the Beauty in the world. 

You are light and grace and peace, 

Father God rain down on me! 

Fill my soul, with freedom from Your hand,

 Show me Lord, the good of the land.

 I want to be, Your hands and Feet,

 I long to simply shine!! 

Oh God I know all things are possible,

If I am Yours, and You are mine. 

Can any man possess You Lord,

Can any truly grasp,

The glory of your mighty name,

The Beauty that will never fade? 

I recently realized, much to my shame, that I did not truly believe that God would be faithful to give me what is best for me. I think in the back of my mind I have always known that that was an issue but its one I was able to avoid pretty easily by saying the right things and acting like I believed them. Problem is that only lasts so long and this past week my time ran out. So, I did the only thing I knew to do and took a bit of a break from life and spent some intense time seeking Him. I cried. I wailed. I prayed. I talked. And finally, I asked. It took me a while to get around to simply asking Him to teach me His heart towards me. When I finally did, I was amazed. 

He met me in so many places this week.

I asked Him to open my eyes and show me the ways that He loves me. He did. So tenderly, so sweetly, so gently. In the clear blue of the sky, in the soft moss on my magic tree, in the clean scent of my laundry detergent. He gave me His love through the beauty of a bouquet of flowers bought by my best friend and delivered late Valentines night. He wiped my tears and held me while I cried. He used the hands and arms of my friend. He spoke to the deepest places of my heart in a language I clearly understood when a sister/friend said to me "God's heart towards you is like your's toward a child that you love deeply. He hears every cry and longs to give you comfort and anything that you need to be happy and fulfilled, but He loves you too much to give you what you want if it will hurt you." He was the Wind that brushed the hair away from my face and dried my tears and He was the Sunshine that warmed me and soaked into my skin and clear to my soul. He was in the heart of love that prompted my sister to take time out of her life to bring me a teddy bear, chocolates, and hugs. He gave me verses and chapters and books of Himself and I gobbled them up "like some good BBQ" as one of my friends would say. Every where I turned He met me. He was all over the place for me! He sent me a new friend at school that makes me laugh, cheers me up, prays for me, and randomly texts me just to say hi. 

I learned to know Him in a way that I have never before known Him. I learned that He is GOOD. I learned that His love for me is over above and beyond my wildest dreams. I learned that He WANTS me. He created me because He wanted to. Not because He needed me, not because my family needed me, not because the world needed me. He created me because He wanted to. Because He had a great idea and He made it happen and it was me and He pronounced it good. I learned about myself too. I learned that I judge Him based on my life experiences rather than dealing with my life experiences in light of His character. I learned that He is truly, truly always there and He wants to hear every detail of my life and heart no matter how 'bad' I may consider them to be. God is good. I would not want to go back through the past week. I would not want to grapple with this issue again! But I am grateful that He brought me to it, and through it. I am all the more thankful for the Sunshine in my heart now than I was before. Amen. :)