*Disclaimer! If you are NOT in the group specifically named in the title of this blog, but you choose to read it anyway, then please remember that it was NOT written for you!! Any information disclosed within was written for the benefit of the ones to whom this is written. Amen.
Hey ya'l :) So its nearly three in the morning and I am dead tired. But there is a logical reason behind the fact that I am choosing this specific time to delve into what I am about to delve into. Actually multiple reasons. 1) I just spent 7 hrs driving in the pouring rain with 2 sleeping people. This gave me plenty of time to think and this is the subject my brain was rolling around. 2) This has been cooking for a while now and its high time to get it out of my head! 3) In spite of my complete exhaustion I am still a bit wired from all the caffeine. And 4) I took tomorrow off to spend with God and to do homework so I get to sleep in as late as I please tomorrow morning. Yeah!!! So, let me tell you whats on my heart.
We all know what week this is. Its the week of Valentines (drum roll please!). Now we all know good and well that MOST women with out a significant other to make Valentines special hate it. This is a fact that I completely fail to commiserate with because its my absolute favorite day of the year! Its by far my favorite holiday but that does not change the fact that its also very hard for most of us. This whole thing has been really bothering me this year so I'v been talkin to God about it quite a bit and He has shown me some really amazing things about it all that I would like to share with you.
First off, we are ALL in this together. There is no point in denying it. If we'r not married, then whether we like it or not, it hangs over us as the 'ultimate' life. Now granted some of us buy into that theory and some don't, but by and large that is the message our world gives us so it affects our thinking even if we forcefully reject it. All of us have this desire in us. This great longing to be treasured and pursued. All of us, without exception I believe, really really wish for someone to see beyond what we portray to the world. We want someone to more than just like us, we want them to WANT us. To care enough to actually come after our hearts, make a commitment, and spend the rest of forever enjoying the unique person God made us to be. We all know what it is to get that phone call from our best friend saying she is dating. We know what it is to look in the mirror and think, "If I were only thinner (or prettier or blonder or curvier or darker or...) it would be different. We know what it is to beat ourselves up and to think that we simply do not have whatever it is that makes men fall in love with women. We blame ourselves in all kinds of ways because we don't feel treasured and loved and special. We want that. And sometimes we are brave enough to actually admit this painful and vulnerable truth. And guess what we hear when we do? Ya. You already know. "Oh you need to let God fill that! Let God pursue you and love you and cherish you!" We have heard it until we are sick to death of it. We have read it in books until it feels more like a chain than a pleasure. But here is the thing. The world is wrong. WRONG!!! Ya. Big surprise there huh? Marriage is not the ultimate, God is. God is NOT some filler substitute for a husband. God is not a pacifier to make life bearable until Mr. Right comes riding in on his valiant white steed. God is so so so incredibly much more than that!! He is so much more than any man could EVER be for us! Is it easy to find Him that way? I think its easier than we practice it to be. He has been showing me (in some not so pleasant ways :) that He simply is not second choice. He's just not. He is absolutely the best, the most amazing, the most InCrEdIbLe One that could ever or will ever pursue my heart. He truly wants me. He does. He sees me, knows me, holds me when I cry. He catches my tears and treasures them because they are a sign of my reliance on Him. Lately I'v started asking Him to show me how He pursues my heart and its been pretty incredible! So I challenge you, ask Him. Just ask. "Ye have not because ye ASK NOT". Its so incredibly true too. Hunny don't settle for less. Don't wait on Mr. Right. Its just not worth it to waste so much time. Let God love you and cherish you!! God is funny, He's smart, He's beautiful! He's powerful and talented beyond our wildest dreams!! He is also holy and jealous. He does not, will not, accept anything placed before Him in our lives. Put Him first, seek Him, find Him, then if He chooses to bless you with a Mr. Right, you can be fully the woman that lucky man will need because you are filled in the deepest places of your heart by the One and only One who can fill them!!
Now the problem with all of this is simply that God is not physically here. Him loving and cherishing us does not take us out of that blasted category labelled SINGLE. Bother. Why do we do that?? What is it with us humans that we have to box and label everyone? Single, Married, Older, Heavy Set, Colored, Low-class. Mmm hmm... We have all heard them. And whether the one saying it MeAnS it to feel that way or not, we feel labeled. We kinda get this impression that we are alone. That somehow we just are not worth quite as much as a married woman is. Bullony!!! Thats just simply not true. Its just NOT true. But its what we feel... So grieve it. There is flat out no point in marching stoically along pretending to be over the moon about the fact that we feel we are less than we should be. You can never deal with something unless you first admit its there. So admit it. Name it, cry about it, and move on. You may have to grieve it every month or every week or even every day for awhile but if you truly seek God and let Him love you, He will show you your value and you will come to see yourself as He sees you and the grieving will be less. Sure there will be days, no matter how many years we practice it, that we really just have to cry and eat chocolate over the fact that we are not married. But thats ok. Grief is not bad. Feeling sorry for ourselves is bad. But grief is not. People will always label each other. It is part of human nature. But its not part of God's nature and we don't have to buy into it. We don't have to believe the label's placed on us by others or by ourselves. We have the power to choose to believe God and the 'label' that He has placed on us is simply "Mine."
One other thing that God has really been teaching me is that it is absolutely ok with Him for us to ask for what we want. Its ok to turn a hurting heart to Him and simply tell Him "God, I would really like a good godly husband." God loves us. He sees how much we want another human to share life with. He understands our need for companionship and I think He knows that sometimes we just wish that we could get up at 5 o'clock to cook breakfast for someone. We all want that best friend to walk beside every day, and while God wants to be our absolute Best Friend, He is the one who created these hearts of ours to long for that relationship. Sometimes He answers our prayers with a 'yes', sometimes a 'no', and more often a 'wait', but He always does answer. Its never ok to demand our way, but it is always ok to give Him the desires of our hearts and let Him sort out what is best for us.
Is it easy? No. But guess what, married life is not easy either. I watch my sisters and I know that. None of them would trade what they have for anything in the world, but their load of struggles is no lighter than mine!!! Sometimes it is very good for me to remember that. I don't have this stuff nailed down. I am human and believe me, I struggle too! But God is teaching me!! He is so good that way! I love that He loves me. I love LOVE knowing that He wanted a relationship with ME so badly that He died to make it so that I could talk openly with Him forever and ever. Unlike other humans, God never leaves me. He never turns away from me, never gets distracted with other people, never gets tired of me, never gets disenchanted with who I am. I love that. I LOVE resting in the sweet knowledge that His love for me never changes. He will love me the same when I am ninety as He does today. To me, THAT is the absolute ultimate Valentine!!
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