Dear Person...

Dear person who wrecked our cars... There are some things I really want to say to you. I know that most likely you will never read this blog, but I need to say these things to you and on the off chance that you do someday happen upon this, I pray you will take these words to heart.

I forgive you.

I am afraid now, every time I hear a vehicle going fast my heart races and my legs move before I can even think. You see, when you lost control of your vehicle and slammed into mine, I was sleeping only a few feet away. Your lights and the roar of your engine as you came across my yard woke me even before that tremendous and sickening crash. It was one of the most frightening moments of my life.

But I forgive you.

You should know a little about us, the people whose cars you smashed. We'r two girls living here in this little house. One of us is an unemployed nursing student who was counting on that car you smashed to take her through three more years of driving sixty miles a day for school. The other is a lady who lived her life driving older vehicles and saving for a nice car. She finally was able to buy that nice car. She paid it off several months ago and was counting on not having to make car payments for a long long time. Both cars were insured... With liability. Both of us are good drivers, careful, slow, gentle on our cars. Both of us scrimp to make ends meet. So we went with minimum insurance so it was cheaper. Now we have to start all over buying new cars.

But I forgive you.

I'm angry, hurt, and sad over the loss of my car. But my dear dear Person, please please believe me when I say "I forgive you."

Here is why.... Jesus forgave me. He gave so much more for me than just a car. You have to know this, He will take care of us! His arms are around us, His hands below us, His body -the church- will not leave us helpless. And He opens His arms to you too.

I don't know if I will ever get to meet you. I really want to. I want to look into your face and tell you that no matter what is wrong in your life, no matter what made you do what you did, no matter how hard you're try to hide from the police or how successful you are... The arms of Christ are open to you. He offers you free and complete forgiveness, peace, and rest. And I want you to know this, as His daughter I truly want to be your friend.

So wherever you are, and whatever is going through your mind, I want you to know that I forgive you, I extend the love of Christ to you, and I'm praying for you every single day. The God of the universe created you- not to smash cars in the middle of the night- but to be loved by Him and to share His love with others. I truly believe that He allowed you to enter our lives so that somehow you could come to know His love.

So, person who smashed our cars, I write this letter to you, praying that you will read it and know that I truly want you to be 'person who is my friend.'

Something I know nothing about...

I don't know what it is to be a wife. I don't have experience with what is on my heart today but I'm going to say it anyway because today my heart is so heavy with the grief of those dear to me. 

I don't remember drinking much soda as a kid, but I do remember that on the very rare occasion that my daddy bought a can while he was out he always saved the last of it for me. That was because my mama adored him and filled in his empty places and made him into a man that loved his kids. I remember that I was always overjoyed when he came home... Thats because my mama was and I learned by example. I know that thousands of times in my life I've seen how happy my mama was when he came home, how she always met him at the door with a kiss and a hug and how they talked about the day. I remember how they never ever EVER disagreed in front of us kids. My parents always loved each other so deeply. They had their issues, they are after all, complete polar opposites. They did not always know how to love each other well. They don't naturally do what the other one wants or needs. But they never EVER talked negatively about each other. They were never snide or sarcastic or rude. Were they perfect? Not even close. But, thank God, they made the choice to love and to teach us kids to love. 

So I'm not a wife, and I'm not a mom, but for almost two years now (and yes I know thats not so long) I've been studying one man every day desperately seeking to learn to love him. Those verses about women adoring their husbands? I'v read them a million times because I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE LIKE JESUS COMMANDS ME TO! In spite of the fact that I had a fabulous example to follow, I'm a super selfish person and I don't like to give in all the time. Let me just tell you what verses I'm talking about... In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. 
So like I said, I'm not a wife. I am a girlfriend though and I know how hard this command can be. I know that I fight with feeling like I do all the giving and yada yada you know the lines... 

I guess this is the burden of my heart... Yesterday a wonderful lady slipped away to glory. I don't know for sure what kind of marriage she had but I know from watching her daughters (who are so wonderful and so much like Aunties to me) and from observing how she smiled at her husband and how he smiled back, they had something special. I'm not a wife, my mama has told me at least a hundred times that a good marriage is made by an adoring wife. I want to be that. With all my heart and soul I want Strider to see me as his biggest supporter, his best friend, and his most ardent admirer. 

As I said, I'm a dreadfully selfish person. This makes adoring him hard. Harder than it should be considering how incredible he really is. So I confess to you my sisters that I want to love my man. I want my children and grandchildren to have the legacy that I do. I want to leave a hole in the world the way Ms Anna Mae did. The legacy she left her family is just wonderful because she obeyed the words of Christ. Her sweetheart is left alone and I know without any doubt that he is heart broken. That is what I want for Strider. I want him to be able to be absolutely devastated when I die rather than mildly sad and slightly relieved. 

And so for those of you who are wives, I'm asking two things of you: first of all, please please adore your husbands! Please do the little things for him like make him gravy if he loves it (my mom hates gravy but she always made it for my dad because its his favorite) and laugh at his jokes and thank him a million times that he doesn't beat you or do any number of horrible things that so many husbands do. And second, please tell me how I can love my man better. I truly believe that next to salvation he is God's sweetest gift to me and more than anything I want to make his life amazing. So if you have advice, I'd love to hear it! 

And last of all, for those of you who lost a wonderful mama and grandma yesterday, I am so sorry... And thank you for sharing her with me. Watching her life has inspired me to live more like Jesus on many different occasions and I am grateful. 

A Speck of Dirt... A Gentle Hand...

I didn't see the bit of dirt on his cheek. He certainly didn't. But his dad did. And like any good dad, his dad didn't want him to go to Sunday school with dirt on his face. So he brushed it off. His big rough calloused hand reached up to his young sons face and brushed away the offending bit of dirt even before anyone else had noticed it. The boy didn't flinch. He didn't draw away from the hand that reached to help him. I know for a fact that that same hand has dealt out punishment to this child. That hand rocked this child's cradle and handled a tiny baby spoon to feed him. That hand wiped tears, cleaned up vomit, enforced rules, and shaped this boys life. And the child trusts the hand. In spite of the times when it has dealt punishments there is no fear in this boy that his father will hurt him. The boys father is good. His son knows this because he knows his father. He sat still that Sunday morning while his dad brushed away the dirt from his face and in his sitting still the hand of God reached down and ever so gently brushed a piece of dirt from my heart.

My Father's hand has cradled me. He has wrapped the fingers of His love around me like a warm and swaddling blanket. His arms have sheltered me from storms that I thought would tare me limb from limb. I know His comfort. I also know His punishment. I know the conviction of the Holy Spirit deep within my heart stirring and prodding me over some 'small' sin or the other. I know what it is to be brought crashing to my knees pleading for mercy. I know the truth of the verse that says "Whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth." Got that. And I realized watching that boy with his Daddy that I don't show that kind of trust when the hand of my Father reaches to wipe away a bit of dirt from my face. The scene that Sunday would have been dramatically different if the boy had reacted to his dad the way I react to God too often! He would have grabbed his wrist and pushed it away bellowing loudly that he liked the bit of dirt! That it was something he had carefully put there himself and that his dad had no right at all to brush it away. If that didn't work he would probably have fallen off the bench to the floor crying and begging that his dad not take the speck of dirt from him because it was so precious to him, or everyone else had one, or it would be so embarrassing to suddenly show up in front of everyone with no speck of dirt! How foolish. How utterly ridiculous that would be! We would all say that the boy needed a great deal more of that punishing. And we would be right. And yet this is precisely how I so often act when God wants to do a cleansing or shaping work in me. My Father's hand is not always gentle, but it is ALWAYS good. It does not always feel as if He knows what He is doing, but in the end I can ALWAYS see that His way is best. I want to trust Him more. I want to bear it patiently and willingly when He needs to brush my face clean. I want to learn from my wise young friend the valuable lesson he taught me that day without ever saying a word. 

The Truth Is...

The truth is, I'v lost my sparkle. I realized this devastating fact a few days ago. The realization came at the end (I really hope its the end) of a long long hard road. Its been dawning on me slowly for the past month or so that I really have let myself die inside over the course of the last year. The weight I'v placed on myself, along with the trauma of a complete and utter life change, have choked out the life and bounty that once played freely in my soul. 

It all started innocently enough. I wanted (and I still want) to please the people in my new world. I really want to fit into this culture that is so completely polar opposite of the one that nurtured and grew me into the outgoing and possibly overly affectionate person that I am. I came to this place, this lovely, and very very northern place with not a clue in my head what it was like to be the only southerner in a church. Let me tell you, if you let it be, as I have done, it can be life sapping. At first I was just myself. I loved the people, and the place, and the life. The southerners I encountered from time to time in the store were like vitamins to my soul. They spoke my language. But slowly those vitamins became not enough. Because I am so different from everyone else I began to imagine (some of it may be real, but probably not as much as I thought) that my every action was being critiqued and criticized.  There are not many people here who compliment or affirm other ppl very much. This may be a perfectly fine thing, but it was completely different than I was used to. Without the steady stream of love and hugs and affection and affirmation that I was used to receiving from my parents, the ladies at church, and even my girl friends, something inside me began to die. The lack of affirmation FELT like criticism. So, in a desperate hope to please everyone and become what I THOUGHT they would like me to be, I began to shut down. It started slowly, but escalated quickly. I stopped blogging. I tried to never put anything on fb that might possibly receive criticism. I drew inside myself and clung desperately to the only person who felt safe, Strider. Soon I was skipping devotions, missing my times of talking openly to my Creator, and putting up walls in my heart. There were a few sweet people who kept pushing through those walls and to them I am eternally grateful!! I grappled hopelessly with the differences between the church I now attend and the one I grew up in. For the first time in my adult life I began to question where I stand with the church. Hopelessness and a deep slippery darkness wrapped itself around my heart like oil thats been in the car for many miles too long! 

During my two weeks in Poland with my friend there I slowly thawed. A bit of the light started to shine into the broken places in my heart and the crust of ice and bitterness that had started to seal around my heart began to crack a little. The people there were so very loving, the church felt so ALIVE to me! People confessed and testified and praised God during testimony time. Watching faith in action like that sparked a hunger in me that had not really been there for quite awhile and I started to long for that life again. One afternoon late in my stay I finally broke down. I cried and talked and cried and talked for a long long time, letting the whole dirty rotten mess of hurt and sadness and anger spill out to my friend. And she in her quiet loving gentle way lent me the eyes and hands of her heart to sift through my mess. I spent a long time that night with my Bible, soaking up the Life I had been missing out on. That was the beginning of my awakening I think. 

This last two weeks home with my parents I did a lot of talking and hashing with my them. Their consistent gentle love and firm support of both my church in the south and in the north were like medicine for me. They helped me pick through the feelings and hurts that I have been dealing with for so long. I had a conversation with a dear friend at church on Sunday and after I had talked it all out and explained whats happening and where I am in life she looked at me and said simply "Your becoming just like them." I realized instantly that she was right. That is exactly what I'v done. With all of my might I'v been trying to become like the people around me. Now let me clarify, there is nothing wrong with the way the people are! They are who they were raised to be. They are quiet and reserved and don't get in other people's business. There is nothing at all wrong with that!! But, its not who I was made to be. Its not something I am in any way capable of becoming, without dying inside. 

So, this is my confession to you all. I have let, over the course of the last year, the fear of man rather than the fear of God become the deciding factor in my life. I firmly pushed away and ignored God's call on my life to live vulnerably and openly. I actively sought to destroy all that He made me to be in a desperate hope that I could some how win something that is not possible. I have been seeking a southern response from northern people, which is no more a possibility than is me becoming a 'normal' northerner. This is the realization I came to just a few days ago, and this is when I realized, much to my horror, that I have lost my sparkle. 

I don't kid myself into thinking it will be easy to regain. Life for me is hard right now. Adjusting to a new culture, a new family, a new school... None of it is easy. As most married people will tell you, dating is not easy. The uncertainty of living in a place where I have no roots, no permanent home, and no secured future... well honestly its the hardest thing I'v ever done. But moving away from the One who brought me here, loosing my relationship with the only Life Line I have, that does not help in the least. I don't know yet how it will all work out. But I do know this, God is with me. His hands are carrying me, and I never want to leave them again! 

Is this love?

I remember the very first time I saw her as if it was just last month. She looked so so tiny in her daddy's big arms! She was so so tiny. At just over 5 lbs she was hardly as big as a minute! Her poor parents were utterly exhausted after hrs and hrs of laboring over her so when the nurses took her to test her senses both sets of their parents went to take care of them. It was just me then. Her and me and all the nurses I barely saw. The glass between us didn't even matter all that much as I stood pressed against it and looked into her beautiful blue eyes. They had to do her hearing test twice because the first time she didn't respond the way they wanted. I nearly fainted from holding my breath as they ran the second test. Now, six short yrs later, its again just her and I. She dances in front of me, utterly delighted to have beat me (again) at Uno. Her little brother is sleeping as are the two sweet littles that are living with them for a while. I gather her in my arms and we rock and talk and giggle and my heart is completely swamped with an emotion so deep I think I will drowned in it! Is this love? 

I distinctly remember the day that we named him. I was determined his name should be Frisky and my sister flat out told me that was a stupid name for a dog. So instead we settled on Camouflage Lynell. Why the Lynelle I have absolutely no idea but the Camouflage part was because his coat was a mottled grey and black. He had such lovely blue eyes and his coat was the softest puppy coat I'd ever felt. He was half great dane and half blue healer so it didn't take long until he was eating us out of house and home! Now, 14 yrs later he's been gone about six months and I really miss him. That dog absorbed more tears into his coat than my pillows ever got. He was so huge that if he ever could get me down on the ground he would just lay on top of me and I simply couldn't move until he did. I was never nervous to be home alone as long as Camo was around. Since he died my dad has gotten a very nice chocolate lab. He's a good dog, he barks when people come, he's very friendly to friends and adores dad. I like Hershey, but he's not Camo. I was crazy about Camo! Was that love? 

I have a very clear memory of falling in love. I was just a kid, eighteen I think. I was utterly swept off my feet let me tell you! I hadn't known the guy super long but I was fairly convinced that he had to be the very best thing since... Well probably since the last guy I thought I was in love with. He was handsome and funny and sweet and really what could be better? There was much drama and heartache, many tears and a long path to the friendship we have now. In the moment though, and alot of moments after that moment, I was utterly convinced I was in love. It was heady and sweet and crazy and emotional. So was that love? 

I'v been thinking an awful lot about love the last while. I would like to get my mind around it. I would like to understand it, to know why it works and what it is. I would like a neat tidy definition of what love REALLY is because love as an emotion just doesn't seem to cut it. So I'v thought and thought and thought (as I tell Strider all the time) about it and this is what I think. 

I wanted to know first of all what love looks like. I started looking for pictures of love and this is what I saw. I saw my sweet sister holding a child she has only known a few days. I saw her wipe tears and gently but firmly give the direction needed to provide security for this child. I saw my mama cooking eggs for me before I left for work even though she was so so tired from a late night. I saw my dear friend who makes a meal for me every week and spends time with me even though its her day off and she could be sleeping in. I saw another friend who loves to volunteer at our local homeless shelter and another who faithfully does Bible studies with hurting women and another who makes the tough choice to never ever gossip about ANYONE no matter who is talking about whom. I saw a mom who is also a wife making decisions for her family centered around the good of her husband regardless how she may feel. I saw a daddy fight physical limitations and in spite of them strive to be all that he can be for his family. I saw tears in another's eyes because of my pain. I saw time taken off work to drive me to school because my friend put my needs above their own. I saw my Jesus with His arms open for me, dying so that I can live. I saw these things, these outworkings from a heart of goodness and I thought "This is what love is." So I thought and thought and thought about this. I thought about it as I rocked my sweet niece. I thought about it as I listened to my daddy pray for me. I thought about it as I petted Hershey and watched his bond with my daddy in action. I thought about it as I considered the real and deep and good relationship that I enjoy now. I thought about it as I searched my soul, seeking the will of God for ME in regards to the world we live in. 

I thought of all these things, and this is what my little brain produced. I think, I believe actually, that real true honest love is sacrifice. Its a giving up, a giving in, a giving over for the good of another. I believe that this is the true meaning behind that old quote (which I have a sort of love hate relationship with) "Love is a choice." Love, as an emotion, is not always there. But love, as in the CHOICE to SACRIFICE for another person, can, through the grace of God, always be there. So, at the end of my thinking thinking thinking, this is what I came up with. I do love others, but not as much as I need to. I know this because I fail so very many times in making the sacrifices I need to make to care for the needs of others. Love = Sacrifice. Its a small definition but it certainly does not feel neat and tidy to me. But then again, is anything in a real honest life really neat and tidy? :) 

Dear Parents...

There are few things that can move me to tears (good tears) so quickly as hearing my daddy pray for me, and my siblings, and all the people he loves like his own children. His voice gets a bit husky as he thanks God for leading me to school and nearly cracks as he thanks God for Strider and asks for the Lord's leading for us. He prays for peace in Europe, especially Poland, because one we love so deeply is there. He asks God for salvation and wisdom for all the grandchildren, wisdom for their parents, and especially strength for their dad's. Then he goes on to pray for the people that are important to us... Those that we children, and even our friends, are seeking to love as Jesus loves them. I love these times. It happens every morning now. It happens after he's opened his Bible and read. It happens after he's had his own personal devotions. Every morning he's up first, sitting at the table with his Bible and coffee long before anyone else stirs. I love this. I love that my daddy is a man of God who seeks to lead all of those coming behind him with wisdom and grace.

I can not count how many times I'v called my mom crying and had her pray with me. Its always her initiative, not mine. Invariably there is a measure of peace that comes with the prayer. Sometimes I don't really like how she prays because she never prays for the easy way out for me. She prays for grace for me to handle what God is taking me through, or she prays for wisdom for me, or she asks God to work out His plan in the situation. But no matter how she prays, it always touches something deep inside me like nothing else can.

Please, let your children hear you pray for them. It does not matter our age, our relationship status, whether we have our own children or not, whether we are with you or far away... I truly believe that for the child of God there is simply nothing so comforting as hearing your parents pray for you. Noone in the world loves us more, generally, than our parents. We are on few other people's minds like we are our parents. Few people REALLY want to see us succeed like our parents do. For so many people, audible prayer is awkward and frightening. It takes practice. It doesn't feel natural at first. But how will children know how very very valuable it is unless its modeled? Pray for your children. It is how they learn to pray for others, and praying for others is one of the chief ways we can show that we really care about them.

My parents prayers for my siblings and I flows from their own personal relationships with Jesus. Their time with Him is important to each of them and it shows clearly when they pray for us. I love that they model this for us. If they did not have that living vital relationship, I don't know if they could have given us this gift.

This is one of the greatest gifts that my parents have given me. It is a tool that will never grow old or rusty or run out. As an adult child who is still benefitting daily from this blessing I ask, please pray for your children. Please let them hear those prayers. It will give them a grounding like nothing else can.

What THEY do...

I'm supposed to be writing a critical argument paper for Philosophy class. I'm supposed to be doing Chemistry homework. I'm supposed to be studying for a mid term exam I have in Theology tomorrow. But my mind is so busy right now, so full of thoughts. I think perhaps sharing a few of them with you will help clear my cobwebs so I can focus a bit. :)

I just finished an email from a dear friend who is serving in a foreign country right now. She was talking about a malnutrition clinic she visited and helped at and about the teenagers who she is concerned about and asking prayers for their salvation.  All morning I'v been texting my sweet sister who, along with her husband, just took in two new children who desperately needed a safe home. Last night she spent the night in the hospital with the oldest one. I could hear her exhaustion in her words but also the overwhelming love that is in her heart for him. Tonight I am going to have supper with my 'adopted family' who have both of their parents living with them along with the responsibility of being church leaders. They are so very giving. They have been my lifeline in so many ways, even though their plates are already so full! A few days ago my sweet friend was telling me with glowing pride in her voice about the accomplishments of HER friend. Her friend is one of many that she has one on one Bible studies with each week.

These people are making a difference. Their lives MATTER. I can see Jesus in them. It is His love and His grace that keeps them going every single day. His Spirit flows from them and blesses those He places in their lives. And me? Well... Here is the thing that is going round and round in my little head. I cant live their lives. I can't serve in another country. I can't provide shelter for broken and wounded babies. I can't be a family for people who need a family. I can't go into prisons and recovery homes and the lives of hurting people and bring them the Word of God. Not because I'm incapable, but because its not where God has called me. And the thing is, if I look at their lives, see how 'great' they are, and want so much to be doing the amazing things they are, I will miss my life. I will rob myself, God, and the world around me of the gifts He has given ME.

About 3 or 4 years ago I was facing one of the biggest decisions of my life. I had 3 huge and amazing options in front of me and I had no idea which way to turn. I was in the car with my oldest brother and we were hashing out all my options and he said something that totally changed my life and my way of thinking. He said "Dayna, you CAN know God's will for your life. He lays it out directly in Scripture. His will for each of us is to have a close relationship with Him. If you have that close relationship and you make a decision that is not best for you, He will guide your heart through your relationship, into the path that is best for you." I have found this to be very true in the years since then. I have also found it to be true that maintaining that strong relationship with Him is one of the biggest challenges of my life!

So, here is what I want to commit to. I want to stop looking around at the people who look so good. I want to stop comparing my life to people I consider to be 'spiritual giants'. I want to stop wishing that God had given me another path, a more 'normal' path, a path that glows brighter or gets more attention, or isn't so nitty gritty. Instead I really really want to look full into the face of my Savior and SEEK Him. For me, that means treasuring the time I spend with my little old people and loving them tenderly. It means doing my very best on every test, quiz, and paper that I'm assigned. It means being open with every person I meet on campus and answering all the many many questions I get about my religion with freedom and love. It means having a relationship with Christ that I can SHARE with anyone and everyone who brushes my life.

Now, with that off my mind perhaps I can focus on Martin Luther Kings "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" like I'm supposed to! :)

Single Lady Don'ts

This blog is on a subject very close to my heart! I didn't write it, its one I read and am sharing here. Its written by a lady named Trinity. She has a great blog and I would have just posted the links but there were some photos with the blog that I wasn't comfortable with having associated with me so I chose to share it this way. :) I feel that what she has to say here is VERY applicable and not only for 'single' girls. Some of these things, I think, are a struggle for all ladies. Happy reading :) ~Dayna 

Last month I wrote about things that people should never say to a single woman. With Valentines day around the corner, I know that many things will be flippantly said to those of us with the scarlet “S” on our chest. With that in mind there are some things that we as single ladies can do to minimize these awkward “you are still single” conversations and to have a better mindset as a single woman! I am guilty of ALL these things…so don’t feel like I’m preaching…but I am 

If you are one of those girls that celebrate “Singles Awareness Day” or say things like ” I hate Valentine’s day” you should stop immediately. When you say things like this you give off the the impression that YOU are unhappy about your present state of singleness and people feel obliged to give you advice, and if you are lucky they will say one of my 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Woman. 

Don’t complain about singleness.  This is my most repeated offense and I am officially stopping today (again). The Bible advises us against complaining. We are actually encouraged to replace our complaining with PRAYING (Phil 2:14) Yes, you can pray that God would prepare you and your husband to meet in His perfect timing, but I challenge you to pray prayers of thanksgiving. Thank God for this time that you have to fully focus on growing spiritually and mentally. You can chase the career of your dreams without having to consult your husband or consider your children. You can fart in your house without saying excuse me, you can control your household budget, you don’t have to argue about wall color, etc. Singleness is a CRUCIAL season in your personal development. Again, when you complain you open the doors for people to give you unsolicited advice.

Don’t throw pity parties. ..Hangovers from pity parties are usually characterized by a bitter face and negative attitude, what man of God wants to be around that?? Think about it. Plus, all the chocolate and ice cream consumed at these said parties lead to unneccesary weight gain, which brings me to my next point…

If you don’t like something about your physical appearence, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Obviously there are some things that we just need to accept about ourselves…unless you know a plastic surgeon (kidding). Let me just be real with you…I know women who will say “A true man of God will only care about my heart, my appearance should not matter” …WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. Many times women who say this to me have neglected their physical bodies on various levels. I don’t want to be harsh, but this is real ladies. if you are wanting to attract a man, no matter how GODLY He is, your appearance is of some importance.

You do not have to look like Beyonce, but you should look like your best self!! A big boned beauty, a sexy slim or a chubby cutie, just be the best version of yourself!! For me, that means I excercise on a regular basis, monitor my Otis Spunkmeyer cookie intake,  I go to the salon about once a month (my hair is psycho), I clean my nails, I keep my skin moisterized, I shave, I tweeze (ugh), I brush/floss my teeth, I get adequate rest, I wear lip balm and concealer…etc. Yall this is a lesson I have learned the hard way. I want to be my best self physically, not just for a man, but because I am one of God’s people and there is no scripture support for looking a hot mess and letting myself go. Whew..ok, just had to say that. Yall still with me??

Don’t compare yourself to or compete with other women. There will always be women out there that have a husband or boyfriend and you at this time are not one of them. It’s OK. Think about it…do you really want the same guy that your friend has??? Probably not. Be patient. Believe that God has appointed someone for you and God will allow it in his time!

There will always be women that have slimmer bellies, rounder thighs, thicker lips, cuter toes, etc. But so what?!? They don’t have what you have, and what you have was specially given to you by God!! There is also no scriptural support for comparing yourself with others. This is a sure way to feel inadequate and is one of Satan’s favorite tricks. If I compare myself with Beyonce I would probably feel like a failure…and if she compared herself to Oprah, she may feel like one too! Why? Because God created everyone uniquely and the life God has planned for me is not the life God has planned for you, so comparing yourself with others is just a distraction to keep you from the living the life and embracing the gifts that God has given you.

Stop blaming yourself for every failed relationship. Honestly, you don’t have that much power, sorry to bust your bubble.  There are various reasons that things don’t work out and people will be quick to tell you all the reasons they THINK the relationship did not work. Sometimes it’s NOT YOUR FAULT. Sometimes it’s NOT THEIR FAULT. Sometimes God just didn’t allow it and you may never know why. Stop beating yourself up over failed relationships…pick yourself up and wipe the dust off your knees…plus, dirty knees are not cute.

Finally, don’t stop growing. When you create your list of things you want in man, you have to ask yourself if YOU even have those qualities. Guys are admittedly more simple than we are when it comes to relationships, but you better believe that they have a list too. It may not be written down, it may not be as long and developed as yours, but it does exist. I’m positive that your future husband’s list doesn’t say “A girl who is desperately trying to find me, has no other admirable traits and is looking for me to fill the God-shaped hole in her heart”. Develop yourself spiritually, mentally and personally… Don’t you want your husband to meet the best version of you??? I do.

Moral Value Paper

             

This is a paper I did for Philosophy. The goal of the paper was to explore one moral value that has shaped my life, explain why its moral, describe how it affects the world I live and work in, and tell what an area of my life is that I could improve in it. 

                 Respect. One small word, but so very powerful! Growing up dirt poor in the depths of the deep south, respect was one of the most important moral values that my parents trained into me. Respect for all things, both living and non-living, but particularly for life. Plants, animals, and especially humans were to be treated with utmost respect! To wound an animal intentionally and without need was simply not acceptable! To address an adult without the prefix of Mr. or Ms. was not ok in our house. To speak nasty to a sibling, or heaven forbid one of our parents, was entirely unheard of. I'm sure we did all have our moments of disrespect, but they were quickly dealt with! My parents also taught us the importance of self-respect. They trained us to work hard, to be fair and honest, to believe in ourselves, and to not act in ways that would shame us. I believe that it was their training in respect and its importance that gave us each the strength and abilities we needed to become solid, confident adults.

            Respect is defined in the Merriam Webster dictionary as: 1) A feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc. 2) A feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way. 3) A particular way of thinking about or looking at something. To me these definitions imply that respecting the world around us is simply recognizing that it is good and valuable. To respect another person is to understand that they are important. I believe respect to be a moral value because it affects how each individual person views and responds to those around them. When we properly respect ourselves and the people around us it is hard to engage in morally degrading activities because we are thinking seriously about how our actions affect both our own lives, and the lives of the people we are in contact with.

                  I believe that respect, especially a respect for other people, is a value that is seriously lacking in the world around us! My personal passion is the care that the elderly receive. It is my goal to be a geriatrics nurse, and the value of respect is absolutely critical for doing that job well! In my work as a nursing tech I've seen so much disrespect in nursing homes! So many of the nursing techs are disrespectful and even abusive to the elderly. A lot of the nurses are disrespectful to the nursing techs too and this only exacerbates the problem of bad elderly care. So many people don't respect themselves enough to care about the job they are doing. They don't care about the people they are helping enough to see them as real people rather than just another thing that's keeping them from going home. I have seen elderly people scared, angry, wounded and confused by treatment that, with a little respect and consideration, never would have happened. Its really a hard field because choosing consistently to be respectful and to do your job well brings ridicule and annoyance from the people around you. I've heard a lot of nursing techs say “If I do it right, I'll get made fun of.” And its a true statement. But if we respect ourselves enough to truly care about the job we're doing, the opinions of other people are not nearly as important to us. Another area in this field that could really be helped with more respect is the nurse to nursing tech relationships. The attitude of the nurses toward her techs can really make or break the care given on any particular shift. A nurse that is kind, considerate, and respectful toward the techs working under her can make their job so much easier and more fun and thereby help ensure that the patients are well cared for, at least on her watch.

             In my own life I see a tendency to have a lack of respect for others when they disagree with something I value highly. I especially think of it with my closest friends and family. Its not uncommon for me, when discussing things with other people, to try to sway them to my opinions and view points rather than to honestly listen to what they have to say and hear their argument and let it change me if I need changing. I believe that if I can implement more respect for the opinions of others into my daily life, I could grow more as an individual, and probably my relationships would benefit from it

              “The Universal Declaration of Human Rights,” adopted by the United Nations in 1948, states in article 29; “In the exercise of his rights and freedoms, everyone shall be subject only to such limitations as are determined by law solely for the purpose of securing due recognition and respect for the rights and freedoms of others and of meeting the just requirements of morality, public order and the general welfare in a democratic society.” Respecting ourselves, and each other, is something that plays out in both large and small ways. Obeying traffic laws, speaking kindly to the people who serve in what we consider more lowly positions than we, taking the time to do our work well... All are ways in which we can each look after the general welfare of our democratic society, and thereby fulfill our moral obligation to treat the world around us with respect. 

Spiritual Journey paper

       NOTE: this is not really a blog. Its just a synopsis of my personal spiritual journey. Its not very long and I don't really expect many ppl to be interested in it. I know that there are some people I am friends with who are interested in what I'm doing in school so I will often copy and paste the papers I write for different classes to my blog just to keep the ones who care in the loop of my life. This is one of those papers. It is my first assignment in theology class and I'm guessing I'l be posting a fair amount of papers from that class on this blog. So to those of you who are invested and interested in my life and the place I am currently "Thank You!" :) ~D



        I believe my 'spiritual journey' began before I was ever born. It began with the devoted prayers of my parents on my behalf. I came nearly seven years after my next older sister, and was very much of a surprise baby! In spite of that, I was joyfully welcomed and dearly loved both by my parents, and my five older siblings. My family took great care to teach me the stories from the Bible, good morals, and the importance of a personal commitment to following Christ.
             As a child growing up I several times asked Jesus to be a part of my life, but when I was eleven I made the choice to turn my life over to Him entirely. For the next few years I enjoyed a relationship with Him and sought to know Him more through the preaching I heard at church, the teaching I received from my private christian school, and through the example of my parents and older siblings. My family belonged to the Mennonite church but my parents never put any pressure on us kids to be Mennonites, a fact for which I am very grateful. Between the ages of eleven and fifteen I wrestled with whether or not I wanted to join the church. I weighed the pros and cons, studied the doctrines of the church, and prayed much about my decision. Around the time I turned fifteen I came to the decision to join the Mennonite church. It was definitely not a light thing to decide. Choosing to take a stand with a group of people that looks and acts differently than most of the world is not something to be done on a whim. I knew when I made that choice though that it was where God wanted me. I'm glad today that I made that choice, even though its not always an easy stand to take.
              My relationship with Christ is something that has grown and changed dramatically over the years. I have found His Word to be a constant and renewing source of strength. I am so very grateful for what He reveals to me about Himself in it! I do believe, very firmly, that it is the will of God that each of His children ground their lives in His word. I do my level best to live in accordance with the Bible and to show Jesus Christ to the world around me. I personally feel strongly that we as humans need something to base our beliefs on, and for me that something is the Word of God. I feel strongly that it is absolute truth. My deepest desire is to be a friend for all the people I meet. I feel that there is no better way to show the love of Christ than to consistently love the people around me. That is my goal in all things. Jesus Christ, God the Father, and the Sweet Wind of the Holy Spirit are the dearest in all the world to me and more than anything I desire to show their love to the world around me.